"I had the worst pregnancy journey because I was alone and depressed."
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My name is Bevine Atieno, I’m twenty-five years old and I come from Kibra in an area called Katwekera. I’ve been staying here for almost twenty-four years, almost my whole life.
I have a two year old son and we stay with my mum all together. My mum is a single parent. She and my father divorced some few years back.
I’m also separated from the father of the child. He’s partially present, partially absent. We met four years back, when we were working together.
Right now I’m not working, I’m just at home. I started a small business and still pushing through with it-selling bags hawking.
I’ll actually say I had the worst pregnancy journey because I was alone. I had no care and I was depressed. You know, all sorts of bad things combined together.
When I got pregnant I was staying at my mum’s place. The community with all their judgement and the neighbours with all their talking got to me so I decided to disappear. I said let me give myself some time and see if I would get through it. It was one of those pregnancies that you’d get sick often and plus depression, it was bad. I went to my mum’s sister in Rongai, she took me in and I gave birth from there. But still it wasn’t easy because me and the baby daddy had a fight during that period and I was all by myself. It wasn’t easy.
The good thing now is that we have phones and the things that come with it. Everything is digitalised so you just have to google it and find your way. That’s how I helped myself. I only went to the hospital twice, on the last days of my pregnancy, due to financial problems.
The actual labour I’ll say I had my angels with me. I didn’t have that heavy or long labour that people usually have, mine was just quick and I left. It was like a three-hour issue, and I didn’t stay at the hospital. Plus I didn’t have a painful labour so at least God saw me and gave me a break.
As a mum and also a single mum…most of the time it’s about the child. My baby speaks a little bit so sometimes he’ll just wake up and say “Mummy, I want daddy”. You don’t know where you’re going to bring that father to him from.
And another challenge is when you’re jobless, you have nothing. You know children they want everything their eyes can catch and I wonder if I can even afford to give my baby this. It’s a painful experience, somehow it’s traumatising.
But there are also good moments, good moments are there.
As a mum, one of the most important things I learned is being present. Your presence matters a lot in a child’s life. Whether you have “it” or you don’t have “it”, as long as they see you and know that mum is around, you won’t have any issue. You won’t even hear him crying or something. But when you’re not around, it even affects them healthwise, you’ll just see like they’re not okay. So that’s something I’ve learned; my presence matters a lot in his life.
Every mum’s dream to their child is always to give them the best you can afford. Like if I can afford to give him the best life here on earth, I’ll actually do that. So that’s what we’re aiming at. Each time you wake up, you do your maths and you say yesterday I was there, today I don’t want to go back there- I want to be somewhere else much better than where I was yesterday.
Apart from financial support, most mums we don’t actually say it but, we need someone we can at least share our stories with. Emotional support.
My dream job…I would want to study photojournalism.
To help other young mothers? Well, I’ve seen organisations trying. They’re bringing up short courses for young mothers. You can go and learn so at least you have some skills to start with somewhere. And even counseling, there are one or two. If maybe they could bring young mothers together, so we know each other and it’s not like you’re done with the short courses and that’s the end. At least you'll have someone you can say I met so and so, let me talk to them, they’ll help. The other side to these organisations is that yes, they help but once they’re done helping you’re on your own. They don’t keep on checking up on you.
As a single mother…yeah, they’ll talk. They’re still talking but you grow from it, you just understand them and live your life.
photographer's note
photographer's note
Beva was one of my most jolly and open subjects to work with. Her enthusiasm and endless smile made the process so smooth and joyful, and I had a great time meeting her family and creating joyful images. She was also very well-spoken in her interview and I commend her persistence and hustle.
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